My Black Card…..and other embarrassing moments around white people

BQE …. BACKED UP AS USUAL
August 1, 2009
Goodnight Toronto
August 5, 2009

My Black Card…..and other embarrassing moments around white people

I played hooky last night from the Wayne Tour. My other buddy had a show at Jones Beach the next night so I decided to spend a lovely weekend in Long Island. After getting the babies off to VA I chilled with my sister and home girl. I knew I was going to a hillbilly show so I put on my best daisy dukes, a fantastic red white and blue plaid button down, and some cherry red open toe 3 inch Manolos. Hair ever so Pat Benetar and I even wore eye shadow! I was going out!

We started out in Freeport on the Nautical Mile for brunch and Bloody Marys- it being Sunday and all. It was pouring. Like a hurricane. It was amazing. I just knew the ampitheater show would be washed out. Thank God I had a perm, much to my homeboys dismay. “What?! No afro? Oh well, nappy wet hair will have to do,” his text read prior to jumping on the citation and heading into town. After a few Heinekens, Sam Adams Summerfest and a raffle, we were on our way, in adverse conditions.

We were slightly rushing and I was on empty. I swore we’d stop on the way but I didn’t see a gas station so I kept it moving.

I prepped my girl on the possible fun of the evening: drinks and dressing room hoes, fights. Bedlam. An amazing amount of people came. I did a hick check and was pleasantly surprised to see that not all hillbillies have missing teeth or are even rednecks. In fact, they was tryna holla.

Backstage scene was cool and easy going just like my boy. It was a happy reunion of old tour manager homies and their wives.

The show was GREAT! I mean, I knew he was a rockstar and shit, but for reals? He’s a fucking rockstar. Great performer, amazingly tight band, great production. And who am I to be shocked? Its not like he hasn’t been in the business for 20 years and didn’t have time to hone his skills. Sauf for the Roots opening for him in, like , 2001, I hadn’t seen a show of his at all.

So he kidnapped us and his bodyguard drove my car. Drunk cackles about 15 minutes later we pull over to the gas station. I’m thinking, what type of unprofessional ass car service company needs to pull over for gas. The driver says, “oh no, he has to pull over for gas.” Oh yeah. My boy says, “did you come to the concert on fumes?” “It was the rental car company. We didn’t want to miss the show! They brought me an empty car!” To which he promptly replies, “Earlier after the surf and snowboard talk, I was going to revoke your black card. I’m happy to say with this incident, you can keep it.”

Wiggers.

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